( grunting )
( knocking )
( grunts )
Whoo!
( grunting )
( panting )
Oh, sweep, sweep.
Need... furniture!
( panting and gasping )
Patrick, what's with the home improvement?
( barks )
( panting )
Hey, Patrick!
Ooh, sweep, sweep!
Well, Patrick, I came over to see
if you wanted to go jelly fishing,
but I can see you're busy having an episode.
You know something, SpongeBob,
it's just all fun and games for you.
Nothing really matters.
( mockingly ): "Oh, let's go jelly fishing!
"We don't have any work to do.
"Life is just a big bowl of fancy, assorted cashews
"and nobody has anything to dust or to clean
or to wipe or fabricate!"
But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean
is your plate.
( sobbing )
I don't know what to do, SpongeBob.
You got to help me!
Patrick, you forgot how to eat again.
Come on, we'll get the funnel.
No, it's not that, SpongeBob; it's worse.
Darn, I like the funnel.
Well, what is it, then?
Look!
Hey, a note.
Yeah, but turn it over.
There's a letter.
You're right.
And I got this message from my parents.
Your parents?
"Dear Patrick, Your mom and I
"are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day.
"Please try to remember, but don't try too hard,
"or you'll hurt yourself like last time.
Love, Daddy."
SpongeBob, my parents think l'm dumber
than a sack of diapers.
No, they don't, Patrick.
Parents just like to push your buttons...
like this... Nee!
( laughing )
That always cheers me up.
But not today.
Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb,
then they must not know what dumb really is.
But don't they watch television?
That's what I'm saying, Pat.
If your parents got to meet a real dummy,
they'd realize what genius you really are.
Oh, but don't genius live in a lamp?
And besides, we don't know any dumb people.
Don't worry, Patrick.
I'll be the dummy!
When your parents see how dumb I act,
they'll think you're the smartest guy ever.
Math is power!
A, B, C, D
E, F, G... ( doorbell rings )
Oh! ...H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...
Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty?
...W, X, Y and Z?
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
Son, you recognized us this time.
Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents?
You never were a bright one.
Uh...
( laughing )
Well, aren't you going to show us inside?
He probably forgot where it is.
I know where...
Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost, huh?
Hold hands now.
Okay, we're almost there.
Let go on three.
One, two, three.
Good job!
Pats for Patrick. Pats for Patrick.
( laughing ) ( laughing )
I'll go get the beverages.
( ice cubes tinkling )
Wow, son!
You put the drinks in something this time.
Aw, son, you must've been working all night
to put these together for us.
We love you. We love you.
( groaning )
( doorbell rings ) Hooray, the idiot's here!
I mean, I'll get it.
Protective helmet... check.
( meows )
I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary.
( meows )
What could go wrong?
What a surprise.
Hi.
Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob.
Hi.
Hello there.
How do you do?
Hi.
Put her there.
( mechanical voice ): Mama, Mama!
He means shake.
No, SpongeBob, no!
Shake hands.
No, SpongeBob.
Grab my dad's hand.
Grab it with only one hand.
Good boy!
Now move your arm up and down.
( giggling )
So, SpongeBob, do you live nearby?
Hi.
No, SpongeBob. Show them your house.
No, not your blouse, your house.
( screaming )
He lives in a fruit?
That's unhealthy.
( laughing )
Hey, SpongeBob!
You want to stay for dinner?
( babbling )
( chuckles )
Does he always do that after he eats?
PATRICK: Only on Wednesday.
( buzzing loudly )
( chuckling )
Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken.
Yeah, and it would take more than some masking tape
to fix that guy.
( siren blares )
Whoa! Is he going to be okay?
Oh, that's nothing.
You should see him in the morning
prancing around, yelling, "Harmony! Harmony! Harmony!"
He drives all the neighbors crazy.
Why, just the other day our neighbor Squidward was...
( elephant trumpets )
( clattering )
There's really no help for him.
I mean, look at the way he's dressed.
Only somebody with holes drilled in their head
would wear that stuff.
And how about this shape?
I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested
but never box-chested!
( all laughing )
Hey, SpongeBob, do you have any mascara I could borrow?
( chuckles )
The boy wears makeup?
What a card!
( laughing )
( laughter continues )
Hey, Patrick.
Patrick!
Aw, he said my name.
Wow, how'd you train him to do that.
( laughter )
Ow! He bit me.
Patrick, meet me in the kitchen.
Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation.
( laughing )
A dumb one!
( laughing )
So, what's on your mind?
No, wait!
I already know the answer: nothing.
( laughing )
See, that's funny, 'cause you're dumb!
Patrick, could you let up on the insults
just a little bit?
Oh, we're those too complicated for you?
I'll try dumbing them down a bit.
Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb.
( chuckling ): That's just what I'd expect you to say.
Dumb people are always blissfully unaware
of how dumb they really are.
( moans )
I'm only pretending to be dumb.
It was our plan, remember?
Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see
how stupid you sound right now
with your talk of imaginary plans.
Tell you what, you've caught me in a good mood.
I'll humor you.
Go on. Go out there and act smart for everyone.
Okay, I will.
And-and don't worry; I'll keep this warm for you.
( clears throat )
I have a confession to make.
I lied about being stupid.
I just acted like a fool
so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more.
I know how to talk and eat and do laundry...
I even separate the darks and the lights.
So, what do you say we start over and try again?
Hi. My name is SpongeBob SquarePants
and I am not a dummy.
( chuckling )
Amazing. Three minutes in the kitchen
and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences.
Oh, good work, son.
It wasn't easy, Dad.
( stuttering ): B-But-But...
lt looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man.
Now listen to me! l'm not dumb!
l have a brain. See, here's a picture of it.
That must be actual size.
( laughter )
No! It's normal size and fully functional.
Watch.
Two plus two equals four.
Oh, son, you taught him math, too.
No!
And you taught him to sing.
( babbling )
Oh, now he's short-circuiting.
You must've taught him a little too much.
( laughing )
( laughter continues )
( laughter continuing )
( screaming )
You know, son,
l've always known that when it comes to brightness,
well, you're about a three-watt.
But this guy... he's a wet match in a dark cave.
He makes phone operators seem smart.
( clears throat )
But more importantly, son,
he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become.
I-I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time.
Isn't that right, Janet?
You bet, Marty.
Janet?
Marty?!
Who are you people?!
Marty, I'm scared.
( doorbell rings )
Excuse me.
Does this lovely couple belong to you?
They've been standing outside my house saying,
"Where's Patrick?" all day.
It's driving me nuts!
Mom! Dad!
Wow, son, you actually recognized us this time.
And you remembered to get dressed today.
( all laughing )
Oh, that's right, honey, we don't have a son.
Oh, yeah.
( laughter continues )